JUNE 10, 2004
My very first letter

This is my first letter in my first blog, I'm 16 years old, a student in a secondary school. And I'm from Mosul, a city in Iraq, you know it all, even if you didn't before you sure know it now.

My essential subject is my school. Before the war, it has chairs to sit on, computers to work on, no air coolers, no water coolers, no cafeteria with very bad services. Now after the war, the chairs are still available but they are mostly broken, the computers disappeared, no air coolers, two water coolers, one cafeteria (a very lousy one).

Oh, I forgot to mention something very important, my school's name is “Al-Mutamaiezat school,” I thought a lot about how to translate it but I didn't find any word more suitable than "special girls school," the students are supposed to be intelligent, clever and special in every thing.


JUNE 20, 2004
More About My School

Talking about my school may never end, and because I'm in a holiday now.

Well, in addition to the comforts I mentioned previously, the teachers are not that good, in fact I and you see how my English is, I'm much better than she is, sometimes when she reads to us, and I can't prevent myself from correcting for her. Do you want an example? I'll give you one. How does an English teacher read the word "scene"? Our teacher reads it like that (skeen) or /skin/.

Enough talking about teachers, let's talk about books. Well, before the war, we used to study with free and brand new books, I admit, the informations in it are very old, we're still studying BASIC in the computers lesson. Now, and because the printers couldn't work during the war, we used very old and unusable books, full of the thoughts of their previous owners who had to study during the war.


JUNE 28, 2004
At the dentist's clinic

A few days ago, I went to the dentist, and we had to sit in the waiting-room for about an hour. The magazines patients read while waiting for their turn to come belonged to the 20th century 1990, believe it or not, I was reading a magazine written when I was TWO YEARS OLD. If it was a book, It's OK, but a magazine! Believe me it's not OK.

Well, that's it, it's our turn, my heart began to beat fast, but every thing went well, my teeth just needed filling :(, he gave me the treatment I needed but in the meanwhile he was talking to my mother about an explosion that happened a day ago, near the clinic, all the patient ran to their houses, he was lucky the windows were opened because otherwise they would definitely break because of the pressure.

Who knows maybe the situation will get better now, we have a new government now, at least there's no explosions, so far :-)


JULY 01, 2004
Saddam is on TV

I don't know what to say, I'm shaking, all my body is shaking. But, it's only video, no sound.


JULY 08, 2004
What's happening?

I'm happy today, not because things are getting better, not because I've got out of the house several times this week, not because I found 2 shirts fit on me and that's very rare, not because I'm not killed yet, I am happy because all of these but today.. I'm happy because in two months, I'm going to be an AUNT, great, isn't it??

JULY 14, 2004
What's your dream for your country in 20 years?

That was the project we had to do this week. Well, we did it, we wrote what we dreamt of, but he said that he want Arab and non Arab, Muslims and non Muslims, he wants every body to participate in order to complete the project. So I'm telling you, anyone who wants to help can write how he imagines his country, his home, his school, etc... And I'll give your dreams to him. He said that we should have detailed dreams, and dreams that could be true


JULY 15, 2004
A visit to my aunt's house

Today, I'm so negative. Well, I wasn't negative in the morning, but we went to my aunt's house, and there they watch the Mosul TV, so they've seen our governor, they liked him and became attached to him just from seeing him on TV, and while we were there, the funeral of the governor who was killed yesterday was televised on TV. At that moment my cousin started crying, I didn't know how good he was till I saw my cousin crying on him.

[Editor's note: On July 15, 2004, the U.S.-appointed governor of Mosul was killed by unidentified gunman while en route to Baghdad.]

We stayed at my aunt's house for an hour till her daughter called her on the telephone and told her to open the windows, because the police found a car they suspected that it's bombed, she told her to open the windows because they will break otherwise, they have already replaced them twice... we went in the car, wished them a peaceful day, and left for our safe house.

Because of what happened yesterday, I had horrible dreams today....


JULY 17, 2004
About me..


JULY 25, 2004
I'm back

I'm back and I'm happy. I had a nice time in Baghdad but we had to come back...

On Sunday, July 17, 2004 we started our journey to Baghdad. Baghdad with all the things that happened in it in the last few months, is still nice. It really deserves to be the capital of Iraq.

We went to a restaurant on Friday for dinner, we were five families, so the waiters didn't bring the food fast, we waited and waited. At 11 o'clock, my grandma called to my uncle's mobile telling him to come coz it's late, but he convinced her hoping that the food will come soon. But it didn't. At 11:30PM, and finally, the waiters brought us food. It wasn't what we ordered, but that's fine. We had lots of fun, but apparently, grandma didn't, she yelled at us, but then she forgave us. She had the right to be worried, we came back at 12 o'clock, and at the house they heard sounds of bullets.

The electricity is funny there, it keeps coming and going that they started to say that it's been operated with the Traffic-light.


JULY 25, 2004
HOT news

I'm sleepy, it's 12:30PM ... and suddenly, we heard the sounds of lots of bullets near our house. Dad went up to the living-room immediately to get a clear view of the situation, then he hurried down. We didn't know that dad was upstairs, the only thing we knew was that a bullet must have entered our house, somewhere in our house, probably upstairs. Dad told us that it definitely went into the living-room, but we were not sure.

After the stopping of the sound that lasts for about 5 minutes, I was working on the computer, I heard mother shouting for me to come up and look. I hurried up, the window was broken in two places, it looks like the bullet moved 11 meters in the living-room to reach the wall. It went into the wall, to cause a small hole in it.

We didn't find the bullet. The lamp which was hanged over the hole of the bullet was broken. The scary thing about it was that dad was in the living room, near the window, looking from it to the street, he saw the bullet breaking the window and he hurried down without telling us.


JULY 29, 2004
What's happening?

Today, we heard bad news, and I discovered that I may be heartless. One of our neighbors, a 30-year-old woman, a doctor, a mother of two, got electrocuted when she touched the air-cooler with her wet hands. She died at once. I didn't have any feelings when I heard the news, I knew that I should be sad when I heard it but I didn't become sad. I haven't met this woman, I haven't heard of her either but mom did and she's praying for god to help her family.

Every year, we hear such stories about being electrocuted and die because of it. Maybe because we just have so many things in mind that we don't think that we might die because of the electricity, there's so many other ways to die these days.


JULY 30, 2004
Salaries! Where are you going?

Dad received his salary today, and it keeps getting lower and lower. Although it didn't get to the amount of salary he used to get in SH times, but it's getting low... I mean, after paying for the generators, (the clinic's and the house's generators) the clinic's rent, the phone bill, the internet and the mobile bills, the assistant's salary and OUR salary which is also getting low. The remaining money will be about $70 which is hardly enough for the shopping of the normal month (vegetables, fruit, meat.... Etc).

In the beginning of the war, we dreamt of being able to go out side the country, visit some beautiful places outside Iraq, visit my uncle in Australia. But now, with these salaries, it seems almost impossible.


AUGUST 02, 2004
Hey watch out!

Before I start my post, I want to say that I'm sorry for every Christian who lost a family member yesterday.

[Editor's note: On August 2, 2004, a coordinated series of explosions outside churches in Baghdad and Mosul killed 11 people and injured more than 50 people.]

Yesterday, we went to my uncle's house to see them after my aunt had an operation. And then we went to an ice-cream shop, bought some and came back home... When we came to the traffic-light near our house, there were so many police men, so we stopped. We were the first in the line, I was busy keeping the ice-cream away from my clothes. And suddenly the police man near us started shooting... Three times. That was really scary. I couldn't stop myself from ordering him to stop, I said "Stop shooting, what is this?" He obviously didn't hear me, or he simply ignored me.

It looks like a black BMW car was driving fast and when they told the driver to stop, he didn't. That was horrible, bullets are everywhere these days. If I saw a police man, or a soldier in the street, should I be scared or feel safe?


AUGUST 4, 2004
What's happening?

Things are not going well today... It's 4:30PM now in Mosul, we have a curfew from 3PM...Lots of wars betwen the fighters and the policemen everywhere. People got stuck in the crowded streets. Every body wants to go home.

We called my sister who's in the hospital today, and she was wondering why there's no patients to take care of... She didn't know that she'll probably have to spend the night there.

My uncle called to see if the bridge near our street is empty and if he can come to it instead of the jam he's in. That's how things are today. It looks like the war has started again. Lots of airplanes are flying above us now, lots of noises too.


AUGUST 07, 2004
A busy day

Every Friday, all of my father's family (sisters and brothers, their children and their grandchildren) gather in one of my uncles' houses. Well, this Friday, it was our turn. Every Friday, the Muslim men go to the mosques to pray the Friday prayer...This time, they were threatened by terrorists that they'll blow up the mosques like they did to the churches on Sunday. But, our Christian brothers did something that I and every Muslim really appreciate. They stood outside the mosque and guarded it for the Muslims. Well done, that really shows how united we can be and we've been.


AUGUST 12, 2004
Before.... During and after Saddam

Today, like every day this week, we went out to congratulate relatives coz their son has graduated... Such visits in Mosul includes women only. They talk about politics. Usually I come back home with very sad feelings. Today they talked about how they used to live before Saddam came to power...

Before Saddam,
Mom was just a regular girl, a daughter of a very educated man, an engineer... In these times, men who completed collage were few...And women, you can't find a woman who has completed school.

Men with college degrees had very good salaries, and therefore they lived a good life. Their salaries could buy them cars, houses. They had maids; they used to go abroad.... It was so safe, if you dropped your key in the street, you'll find it there tomorrow. Conclusion: Life was simple and easy, there were no big problems.

During Saddam,
Mom and dad were in the US when Saddam was handed the power, and when they came back, they didn't recognize Iraq... It was changed a lot, to a better Iraq. Lots of developments... But in 1980, when the Iraq-Iran war started (Which lasted for 8 years), things got too bad. And there was a big inflation in the country. The prices got higher and higher.

They had every one who's less than 45 years old in the army.... Men started running away... People got killed, got lost or caught by the enemies.

Nobody could afford buying meat. Milk is something for rich-people only....

Cars prices became too high. It's funny that till before 2 years, almost all the cars in the streets were 1980's or earlier.

But at the end of Saddam's times, things got a little bit better, we had so many things in the bazaars...But, I didn't like the way we lived. No internet, no good salaries, no safe planes (Remember till not long time ago, we had no airlines), no traveling, no mobiles, no satellites, and no freedom.

After Saddam,
The ordinary life become an adventure, bullets every where, daily explosions, American tanks and military vehicle every where. Most of the road are blocked by the Iraqi police, alot of check point. In addition to NO traffic law. Salaries got higher but still, they're too low. We can buy new cars. Mobiles and satellites everywhere. Impossible to buy a house or a land to build a home on it. 0% security. Can't walk in the streets. Death is always near. Every bombing we hear, we should call the relatives to check on them...Electricity is the same as in Saddam's times. And again no airlines.


AUGUST 13, 2004
What's happening?

Yesterday, we heard lots of bullets. We didn't know why, so we gathered all in the bed-room, just in case one got in like last time... Today we knew why, it's because we won (the soccer match). Bullets and shooting is an old way to express the joy of the irresponsible Iraqis. Before the war, when we hear shooting we know that there's something happy, like marriage or winning in a game. But, after the war things changed and whenever there are bullets, there are killing. I got some news from my dear uncles. It looks like when we won the game, and when the Iraqis started shooting, the American soldiers thought that there was kind of an attack, so they started shooting too. Until they realized that the Iraqi team won, they started to participate in shooting with the Iraqis not against them...

There's no strange thing when an Iraqi argues with an American here in one of the blogs... This happens in the best houses, everybody has his unique opinion. This happens a lot in the family gatherings, between one of my uncles and my aunt's husband. They both come home with a headache, but none of them wins.


AUGUST 27, 2004
What's happening?

Yesterday, we went to one of my mom's friends to congratulate her for her son's graduation. And on the way there, the streets are too bad, that you feel like you're moving on the stairs not on a street (Or what's supposed to be a street!)..It's full of holes like most of the streets here in Mosul. Why? These holes were there before the war too, but now they're much worse. It's because of the explosions, the American heavy cars, and the holes that people make to force cars to slow down in front of the dangerous places (Like police stations). Sometimes my big pregnant sister tells mom to slow down in such streets because if it continues that way, she'll have her baby now.


SEPTEMBER 1, 2004
She's great

My sister had her baby today, at 10:30AM this morning, I became an aunt....

The baby is a girl, still fresh and she looks nice. They named her Aya.

Babies really like to cry.. My niece proved her existence by crying all the time, then she stopped crying after her dad came to Mosul at last, and now she's asleep... GREAT


SEPTEMBER 6, 2004
I'm not expecting you to join it, just accept it

This is not to offend anybody, just to let you know that not only us who are being violent, America as a civilized country has large amount of violence too. If you watch Oprah Winfrey Show, you would've known what happens to women from their husbands. What happens to the female soldiers from their fellows in the army... Not nice at all.

I know there's different sides in the society, educated, non educated, poor, rich, ..... In Islam we have those sides too... People who think logically and people who don't think at all. People who think they're right, people who are afraid that they're wrong.

I'm not proud at all about what some Muslims might do or done. In fact, each time I hear about a violent accident, the first thing comes to my mind is 'Oh God, let's not be from Muslims please".

Many years ago, when the Islamic society was in its best days. When Muslims used to have wars to free countries and slaves. Our prophet gave orders (In the war, where people are killed) not to rob, not to destroy, not to kill a woman, a kid, or an old (man/woman), not to cut a tree, not to hurt an animal... Who knows what happened and made the world change that way.


SEPTEMBER 12, 2004
What's happening?

Today, my brother-in-law couldn't wait in Baghdad without his daughter. So, he came back and took his wife and daughter home. But it's good that he came back because things are bad in Baghdad, he said that the garage that has all the taxis and buses for the travelers was like a battle field, it was full of soldiers and tanks.

We turned on the TV, people are getting killed in Mosul and in Baghdad. The most horrible event was the death of the correspondent "Mazin Al-tumaizy" who was talking on TV about the situation, and then an American tank was attacked, which made an American helicopter to drop a bomb on the tank so that the attackers won't take something from it. And in the explosion, he died, in front of the camera.. It's too scary to see someone alive in a moment and then dead in the second. They were talking with another correspondent after that, and he was shocked, he looked like he can't talk..

My friend called me today. First, it was all happy talking, then I asked her how things are in their neighborhood. She told me that one of those days were it was like the war has started again in Mosul, She looked out of the window, and she saw a policeman near their house, and suddenly, he was shot, and he died.

In Iraq, and when somebody dies, they put a black sign (A peace of black cloth) that says the name of the dead person, and the reason of the death, and where can people come and visit his family. They put these signs in the streets, near his house and everywhere. So that if anybody reads a sign and knows the person, he can go visit his family. Today, dad saw a sign with the name of the dead man (A dentist) and the name of the killer too, who they say is his neighbor.

Each time I hear such news, I look at Aya, I wonder if she's going to live in a better world. She looks so peaceful, will her future be as well? I hope yes. I hope I can see this future before I become 26. I hope I can live the life my parents once lived.


OCTOBER 8, 2004
The first week-end

This is Friday. On Friday, we have a family meeting in one of my uncles' houses. And because dad is not here my cousin came and took us to his parents house. And there we met all my uncles. We sat in the garden, and talked and talked as usual. Then suddenly, we heard lots of bullets. Everyone hurry to their children in case they're afraid. Then all the men got out to see what happened. All the cars were heading far from the traffic-light near us not knowing what happened themselves. A car's driver felt afraid and hit the sidewalk and the tire had a hole and needed help and my cousins hurried to help him and his family.. Then all what we hear was the alarms of the ambulances. We don't know if anybody got hurt! We headed home at 7 o'clock...


OCTOBER 19, 2004
EXPLOSIONS all day

Just before we got into the car of our taxi that drives us to school everyday, we heard an explosion then we saw two spots smoking. We didn't know exactly where they are but they were definitely not that far away.

This was the start of my day, very NICE and comforting. I thought it'll be better then, and it was till the last period, when we were preparing to get out, another loud explosion. My friend got too scared, I and my other friend hold her each by a hand and comforted her to the car. There I waited for the other students who live in the same neighbourhood as I and my sister live. One of them came crying, she was too frightened because it was closer to her class and she was sitting next to the window. She said that even her book fall from the desk.

Dad was buying some stuff then he got into the car. He saw an American troop so he raised his speed a little and in few moments , a car exploded few meters behind him. He survived, THANK GOD.

And now while I was writing this another loud explosion!!

It's been two days, in each, when I come back from school I call my aunt (Who's house is in a very targeted spot, all the explosions are near) and I make sure that she's alright. Today when I called, she said that no windows were broken but apparently, in the last explosion (The one that happened few moments ago) she had some windows broken while she was talking to a relative and now mom is calling her but the line is busy!! She got her now. Oh MY GOD, not just the windows are broken, every glass thing!! Plus, bullets got into the house, a piece of glass in her grandchild's head.


NOVEMBER 3, 2004

Yesterday, and for the first time since school started, we went out of the house to my uncle's house.. Even the family meetings has stopped because of the BAD situation recently. Yesterday, they said a bomb-car was near our school, we saw the American strikers but we're still not sure if there was actually a bomb but there must've been something abnormal that made all the teachers gather to watch. I and my friend were walking in the school yard discussing what might've happened if this happened in someplace else outside Iraq. Here, all the students are wandering in the yard, talking and laughing, some are in the 2nd story watching the strikers and trying to figure out what's happening!! WEIRD!


NOVEMBER 10, 2004

So, I spent the night yesterday awake last night, reading Qura'an and praying. The planes and helicopters were flying over us all the time, we heard the sounds of the rockets getting down from the planes but we didn't hear the explosions.. Mom turns on the TV every while to see the news, and you know what's in the news.. I feel sorry, I feel angry, I feel SAD, and feel a strong hatred. I think of those nice women writing to me, a woman telling me how her daughter is in my age, and how she has 5 children and that the oldest is going to Iraq to fight!! I remember the soldiers wives telling me how sorry they are, I remember you telling me how Iraq is going to be and how we're going to be safer, and then start to be angry at everything!! I'm thinking of making a kind of STRIKE and not to blog till things get better and I start to feel better towards you. Everything happening in Falloja is breaking my heart and thinking that dad has no emergency plan if the same happened in Mosul but running away to Baghdad makes me only sadder.


NOVEMBER 12, 2004
Crying with no tears

Everything started the day before yesterday; they declared a curfew at Mosul TV from 4PM Wednesday, till 6AM on Friday. The Arabic media didn't mention anything and so half of the Iraqi people didn't know about it.

In the meanwhile my oldest sister was in our house, it has passed 4PM when we knew about it, so we decided to drop her at her house in the morning next day. The morning came, I was sleeping at my room upstairs, and a war of bullets started... I decided to move myself down when it started to be a heavy fighting and there were also explosions and mom was shouting at me to get down...

My brother-in-law was supposed to come before the Eid. My oldest sister (Let's call her S now) was so worried that he'll come and get stuck in the other side of the city because of the curfew, so she tried to call him on a friend's mobile, it wasn't working but it did at about 11AM. The friend told her that he already started his way to Mosul an hour ago. She said also that her father-in-law got shot in his leg while trying to get back from the clinic, and he's in the hospital and that her husband should go with him since nobody in the neighborhood can move his head out of the door! The war was horribly improving.

S called her brother-in-law, and he told her that he is in the hospital and that his father has DIED...

I can't describe how I felt, I was crying and shaking and the tears wouldn't go out... I just held Aya who's just lost a grandpa and made sure she won't cry and make things worse. S was terribly SAD, confused, and WORRIED about everything. Mostly about her husband who's in his way to a big surprise and about her sister-in-law who's alone at home in the middle of the war, pregnant in her 9th month..

For 4 hours and a half, we were stuck at home, making sure dad won't get out of the house in this war, trying to calm Aya who was frightened after a loud explosion... Those were one of the most horrible moments in my life. People calling asking if what they've heard about S's father-in-law was true, my sister crying and worried (I've never seen her like that). Till 5:30, my brother-in-law finally arrived! Thank God. He was stuck for 1:30 minutes with his luggage on the other side of the bridge, and he came on foot from the bridge to his house, eager to see his little daughter after a month of absence... And here he comes, to find his dad dead and buried!

Nobody knows who shoot him, but everybody knows that he's now in Heaven. At least he's seen his first grandchild who'll carry his name (Aya)... His son said that this was the death that he's always dreamt of.

I had two eye doctors. Both are dead now!! Imagine! Both are killed now!

Dad is trying to convince me that everybody has his own day to die and that not allowing him to get out is not a solution!! That's how things are going on, the war is not over and I slept at the sound of bullets and explosions last night... Mom said that this war is the worst among all the others...


NOVEMBER 14, 2004
Crying with no tears.. (Updated)

Guess what?? We've just came back from my cousin's house.. YES, we did get out of the house, at last. The streets are kind of normal so we went and visited my aunt, and there we saw some other relatives.. As usual, my uncle made a long political discussion. They fought and fought but when the relatives left, they hugged him before leaving!! I wish things can be that way. My American friend always talks to me about such things and how everybody was devided before the elections between Kerry and Bush, but when the elections stopped, everything went back to normal.


NOVEMBER 15, 2004
What's happening for two days??

About the ones who really want to know if I'm pro/anti coalition forces. Deciding is so hard, I used to write in a diary during and before the war but stopped on April this year, on the day in which the Americans *liberated* us, I was so happy.. I was definitely pro the coalition. Till what happened in Abu-Graib, I was ready to kill one of them at that time.. Seeing our men in a state like that, makes anyone have a big amount of hatred.. And then started the mixed feelings, don't know whether to hate or not, but I definitely don't either love or like them. Some of their actions make me angry, they killed two innocent people on the bridge today and yesterday without even warning them.

Dad is now stuck in the street, the Americans are surrounding the neighborhood, mom went out to see if he can come from another way but they shoot in the sky to frighten her so she got in. How do you want me to feel?? If you don't like the way I think, and if you really care as you said about whether I'm pro or anti, then just leave this blog!

Okay, today is the first day of Eid.. It doesn't seem like we're going out of the house! Although I really wish I will since I spent a lot of time fixing my hijab!! They say that the Americans release violent dogs in the streets at night so that people won't get out (I want some respect!! Dogs!). I don't hate a whole group for the acts of few. I know there are bad guys in each country and each city, I've seen neighborhoods in America (Of course on TV) that I'm sure if I stayed in one for few minutes, I'll get killed. You can't just worn us and tell us to leave Mosul before you destroy it, what will happen if we left and came back to see the house gone!! Can we start from ZERO again!!

Here you went, killed everybody in Falloja, why? To get rid of Al-Zarkawy. Did you get rid of him? Apparently not!! He escaped. If you kept destroying every city he escapes to, there won't be an Iraq any more!

Do we have the right to fight who kill us? Absolutely yes. Do we have the right to defend our selves? Surely yes..And apparently, not only Iraqis are the ones who agree with the resistance. Do we have the right to behead people, kill policemen, kidnap Iraqis and foreign citizens? Surely and absolutely not (Meaning: I'm not pro-Al-Zarqawi).

Maybe you really feel that you or your son or brother or fellow American in Iraq is really trying to help Iraq and maybe they are...but it sure doesn't feel that way to the ' other side', the side that is Muslim or Iraqi or Arab.


NOVEMBER 18, 2004
Going out..!

Yeppy, I saw two more uncles today. It was calm in the morning, so we went out and visited two of my uncles, and then dropped by my big sister's house and I saw my brother-in-law for the first time for a month.

There are no Police nor American soldiers in the streets we went through, just people.. The gasoline stations were full, and there were also a long line of cars and the drivers were waiting to their turn to fill their cars.

I called my friend yesterday who told me about her brother's friend who is in the medical school.. Robbers have tried to kill him and his 18-year-old brother for their car but for some reason didn't get the car, the 18-year-old one died and the other is in the hospital now.. In the same accident, a woman with her infant were crossing the street, the infant got a bullet and died in the hospital!!

As some Iraqis have used the walls to practice their free speech after the war, a wall of a school has a writing that says: "We'll kill everyone who'll participate in the elections", in Arabic.. I was few days ago urging my parents to go participate in the elections, if we didn't vote, who will!! But, I guess I'll stop urging anyone now since it's a dangerous thing like everything else..



[Editor's note: Grammar and punctuation are true to the author's original entries, except in certain cases of typographical error or misspelling.]

[Editor's note: The author was not hurt in the recent blast in Mosul. She continues to update her Weblog.]